Being a widow with young children is one of the most challenging experiences anyone can face. It can be hard to find hope and joy when going through such a profound loss, but building emotional resilience is going to be the key. 

You may not feel very resilient right now, and that’s OK.  

The good news is it’s a skill that can be learned and developed over time.

The Grief Journey

The initial shock of losing your spouse is overwhelming. It can be difficult to comprehend what has happened, let alone imagine finding a way forward. One of the things I kept saying after my husband passed was that all I could see was blankness - everything I had envisioned for our life had been ripped away and suddenly I didn’t know where I was going or what I was doing. 

The grief cycle is a process that many people go through after losing someone close. It’s a series of emotional stages that can include denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. 

Acceptance doesn't mean that the pain of losing a loved one goes away. Instead, it means that you are beginning to understand that life will continue and that you can still find joy.

Understanding Emotional Resilience

Individuals who are emotionally resilient are often better able to manage difficult emotions and maintain a positive outlook.

• What is Emotional Resilience? Emotional resilience is the ability to adapt to and cope with stress and adversity. It involves being able to bounce back from the hard times. Individuals who are emotionally resilient are often better able to manage difficult emotions and maintain a positive outlook. Trust me, this is something you're going to want your kids to develop.

• Why Does It Matter? Emotional resilience can help you cope with difficult situations. It can reduce the impact of stress on the body and mind, which can lead to improved physical and mental health. It can also help you maintain relationships and find joy in life.

• How Do You Develop Emotional Resilience? Emotional resilience can be developed through various practices. These include mindfulness, meditation, gratitude, physical exercise, and seeking support from family and friends. 

Overcoming Adversity as a Widow with Children

Being a widow with children presents unique challenges. It’s emotionally harrowing to navigate the grief journey while also caring for children. Here are a few small tips that can help make a big impact on coping with the challenges:

Give Yourself a Break: 

Solo parenting is stressful and exhausting. It’s important to take breaks when possible and to seek help from family and friends. 

Taking breaks whenever possible is crucial for maintaining your well-being as a grieving solo parent. Finding moments for self-care, engaging in activities that bring solace or relaxation, and practicing self-compassion are all essential aspects of maintaining physical and emotional resilience. These breaks, even if brief, provide an opportunity to recharge, process emotions, and return to caregiving responsibilities with renewed energy.  

How do you take a break when you’re a solo parent?  You get to ask for and receive help.

The weight of grief combined with the demanding nature of raising children single-handedly can be overwhelming. In such circumstances, it becomes crucial to recognize the importance of asking for help and actively seeking support from the resources available to you. Although it may feel difficult or uncomfortable to reach out, reaching a point of acceptance that help is needed can be liberating and provide much-needed relief.

And while asking for help is important, it's equally vital to be open to receiving it. Sometimes, feelings of guilt, pride, or a fear of burdening others can make it challenging to accept assistance. However, accepting support allows others to contribute positively and fosters a sense of community.

Build a Support System: 

Building a support system is an important part of coping with loss. It’s important to connect with others who can offer both emotional support and practical help. Navigating the journey of grief while also shouldering the responsibilities of solo parenting can be an incredibly challenging and emotionally draining experience, especially for mothers who lack substantial support from friends and family.

First and foremost, it is essential to acknowledge that you deserve support and assistance. Recognizing that you don't have to face this difficult journey alone is the first step towards seeking help. 

Reaching out to trusted friends, extended family members, or neighbors can provide a network of support. Even if it's just a listening ear, a comforting presence, or someone to watch the children for a short while, these small gestures can make a significant difference in alleviating the burdens of solo parenting while grieving.

Additionally, seeking help from community organizations, support groups, or local resources specifically tailored for single parents or those experiencing grief can be invaluable. These platforms often provide emotional support, practical guidance, and connections to others who can empathize with your situation.

The important thing to remember is that you are not alone. 

Take Care of Yourself:  

Self-care is crucial for maintaining emotional resilience, especially in the face of grief and the demands of solo parenting. It involves nurturing and prioritizing your own well-being, both physically and mentally, which can greatly contribute to reducing stress, improving mood, and boosting energy levels.

There are various ways to practice self-care, and it's important to find what works best for you. Physical self-care can include regular exercise, such as taking walks, practicing yoga, or engaging in other forms of physical activity that you enjoy. Not only does exercise provide physical health benefits, but it also releases endorphins that can elevate your mood and alleviate stress.

What Self-Care Looks Like

Emotional self-care involves acknowledging and processing your emotions. It may involve finding healthy outlets for expression, such as journaling, talking to a trusted friend or therapist, or engaging in activities that bring you joy and relaxation. Creating a support system of understanding individuals who can provide emotional support and companionship is also vital.

Mental self-care focuses on nurturing your mind and maintaining mental well-being. This can include activities such as meditation or mindfulness practices, which help in centering yourself and finding inner peace. Reading books, listening to podcasts, or engaging in creative pursuits can also be beneficial for stimulating your mind and providing a healthy escape from daily stresses.

Taking time to immerse yourself in nature can be another form of self-care. Spending time outdoors, whether it's going for a hike, visiting a park, or simply sitting in a peaceful garden, can help rejuvenate your spirit and provide a sense of calm and tranquility.

Don't forget to do things that bring you happiness and fulfillment. Whether it's painting, playing a musical instrument, cooking, or crafts, allowing yourself time for activities you enjoy brings a sense of accomplishment and relaxation.

Remember, self-care is not selfish; it's an essential component of maintaining your overall well-being as a grieving solo parent. 

Peace is Possible

Building emotional resilience is a journey. It takes time, patience, and effort, but it is possible. 

By understanding the grief journey, developing emotional resilience, and practicing self-care, you can navigate the challenges you face as a widow with children. 

Is it easy? 

No. 

But with the right tools and support, it is possible to find hope and joy in life again.

Keep going, Mama.